


Changing Christmas

by planetpeachy



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Grand Theft Auto Setting, Angst and Fluff, Christmas, F/F, F/M, Fake AH Crew, M/M, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts & Self Harm, Minor Catcalling, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Panic Attacks, Poly Fake AH Crew, Polyamory, Recovery, Slow Burn, Trans Character, it's great i promise, mentions of depression & anxiety, minor Transphobia, the christmassy part isnt until the end of the story whoops, this is mainly like angst for majority of the fic and the end is pure fluff tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-26 03:04:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17133830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/planetpeachy/pseuds/planetpeachy
Summary: It’s the week before Christmas and the Fake AH Crew is in festive mode, or at least they try their best to appear to be in the holiday spirit. Everyone has something troubling on their minds and no one knows how to approach it individually. Sure, they could talk to someone else like they usually would, but something feels off. Some bonds grow thin, others walk around on tiptoes. They all act like everything is fine while they’re internally fighting battles they know they can’t win alone. This is a story of how the Fakes find a new meaning to Christmas.





	1. Chapter 1

Everyone knows that the last three months of the year are always the most festive. October has Halloween and November is the big hype and lead up to December, which has Christmas, as well as other various religious holidays. Los Santos always goes all out with their holiday celebrations, especially in the 12th month of the year. Decorations appear magically throughout the city. Strings of light wrapped around street signs, wreaths hung on storefront doors, fake snow and snowmen sit next to trees and presents in shop windows. 

However, with all this holiday cheer comes tourists and visitors who are unaware of the crime in Los Santos. The newcomers who don’t know about the various crews and criminals living there, some may even be walking alongside them on the street. 

The infamous Fake AH Crew always planned to pull off some incredible and sometimes seemingly magical heists and the holidays always brought out more of their creativity. Last year the crew members were dressed as elves. They had robbed all of the jewelry stores in Los Santos but only stole the pieces that had any red or green gemstones in them. Then after they stole these Christmas colored accessories, they adorned an army of snowmen with them. It was quite the scene. 

No one knows how they plan to top that this year, but people are placing bets and trying to figure out what the Fakes might do. Perhaps they’ll all dress up as Santa’s reindeer and prance around the city, stealing from various shops. Some citizens, however, have given up on the idea of a holiday heist from the crew seeing as it's the week before Christmas and there hasn't been any news about the crew in weeks. 

Some smaller news outlets in the city have started rumors and generated false stories about how the Fake AH Crew has accepted defeat and are giving up the crime life. However, that is further from the truth. 

The main 10 members of the crew have been steadily preparing and planning their annual holiday heist. Things have just been, well, a little hectic. Between trying to come up with ways to top past heists and some members dealing with personal issues, there have been far too many conflicts. Tension rises between the crew members as they struggle to get this mission done efficiently and safely. No one knows what is wrong with the others but they can all sense that something is up. 

After countless sleepless nights, things eventually get too heated and an emergency group meeting has to be called. The problems everyone has could make or break the infamous Fake AH Crew. 

This is a story of acceptance, honesty, trust, creating change, and more importantly, finding what it means to have a family and celebrate the holidays together.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An afternoon meeting between the members leads to a tense evening in the penthouse. No one knows what they should say or do to make the situation better. Everyone tries their best to find their own ways to distract themselves for the night but they're all still thinking about what happened.

It’s 1 pm in the city of Los Santos. Things seem to be cool, calm and collected. Everything except for the face of the Fake AH Crew, Geoff Ramsey. Geoff bolts into the meeting room of the penthouse, shirt half buttoned and half a bottle of whiskey in his hand. He slurs his words and stumbles to get to his position at the head of the table. The 9 other crew members have been waiting patiently for him to show up, but they weren’t expecting this. 

Geoff stands in front of everyone, well, he attempts to stand. He’s slowly swaying side to side and has to grab onto the table every now and then to avoid falling over. He looks around and pops the cap off of the bottle and takes a generous sip. After he harshly sets his whiskey down and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, he begins to talk. 

“Alright you fucks, listen up. It’s December 17th and we have yet to conduct our heist. What the fuck is going on with everyone? Do you guys want to do this or not?!” 

Everyone glances at each other nervously. No one wants to give up on completing this mission, they’ve been planning it for 2 months. A silence falls over the room. Matt starts to fidget with his jacket sleeves and Jeremy does the same. Lindsay reaches a hand up to her head, twirling her blonde locks around her fingers. Being in a room full of people and having it be dead silent is the worst thing for this crew. They’re used to chaos and laughter, not seriousness and being quiet unless it’s for a heist.

Trevor coughs and clears his throat. “Well, we do want to do the heist. And w-we can get it done soon, right guys?” 

There are quiet mumbles of agreement among the others, and some don’t sound so reassuring to the drunken man in the room. Geoff wants to trust his crew and believe that they’ll successfully get everything done, but in his current state of mind, he just wants to yell and scream at them. It takes everything in him to just keep quiet and think before he acts. 

“Alright,” Geoff sighs deeply. “But you fuckers better get ready to do this before Christmas. We got exactly a week. And unless anyone else has something to say, this meeting is over.” 

No one else can bring themselves to speak so they slowly make their way out one by one. Geoff was the first to leave the conference room and made his way to his bedroom. After making sure his now empty bottle of whiskey was taken care of, he falls face first onto his bed and blacks out. Before this, he made sure to gently shut his door, or at least he called it gentle. The others had heard Geoff’s door slam shut and they knew not to go in and bother him, despite how much they wanted to make sure he was okay. 

The other members had left Trevor sitting alone in the meeting room. He had to go over the plans for this heist and count and double check they had enough ammo and armor and other necessities before next week. The tall brunette slumps in his seat and runs his hands through his hair. Trevor stands up and goes over to the filing cabinets full of various blueprints of the city, plans for heists and checklists of weapons and supplies. Once he grabs what he needs he sits back down and tries to focus but all he can do is sit back and listen to the sounds of the others.

He hears what he could only assume would be a Gavin squawk and laughter from Jeremy, Michael and Matt. They must be joking around with each other to try and forget the heavy mood of the conference. Trevor wishes he could be with them, but he has work he needs to do. Lots and lots of endless work. He’s tired, and the bags under his eyes are evidence to this. 

Lindsay and Jack head to Lindsay’s room after the meeting so they can chat about makeup and do each other’s nails, their own little way of trying to push away the worried feelings they have about Geoff. After looking through their nail polish collections, the two decided on giving each other matching nails. Jack gets light blue nails with a silver accent nail and Lindsay gets the opposite; silver nail with a light blue accent. They continue to sit together and talk about their makeup collections long after their nails are dry. It’s comforting to have someone else to talk to about something you don’t publicly talk about with others.

Ryan and Alfredo walked together to the armory to clean up their weapons and to do some organizing since it’s been a mess in there for a while and someone’s got to do it. Neither of them says a word and clean silently. It’s just how the two of them work together. They can enjoy the silence as long as they’re doing something. 

Later in the evening, Jack and Ryan cook up some steak and veggies for dinner after a half-hour discussion with the others about what they should have. After everything was prepared and ready to eat, Jack walked down the hall to Geoff’s room and knocks on the door. No response. She texts him and tells him that dinner is done but she still doesn’t get an answer. Ryan decides to dish out a plate for Geoff and set it aside in case he wants to eat something later. 

Jeremy and Gavin volunteer to clean up, seeing it would make the most sense for them to do it after throwing carrots and green beans at each other across the table at dinner. The two decided that Jeremy would wash the dishes and Gavin would dry them and put them away. Halfway through cleaning, the two accidentally held hands and instead of letting go like they usually would, the pair stopped what they were doing and stared at one another. 

Gavin was the first to break, he looked away and pulled his hand away from the smaller lad’s. He had a slight blush on his cheeks. Jeremy’s eyes lingered on the Brit a few seconds longer and then they both went back to finish washing the dishes. Neither of them said a word about this to anyone, but they spent the rest of the night thinking about it. 

The penthouse was calm for the rest of the night. No one was in the mood to play Mario Kart or Ultimate Chicken Horse. Everyone just ended up going to their rooms or watched television in the living room until they all went to bed. Some of them regret not saying anything to Geoff, but they either didn’t know what to say or they were too afraid of what might’ve happened if they spoke up.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geoff finally realized his addiction to alcohol and needs help, but he doesn’t know what to do. One small incident and a chat with the person he’s closest to later and a possible solution is found.

A quiet thud onto the floor is what wakes up Geoff. He groggily rolls over and rubs his eyes, trying to get them to focus on what fell. Turns out it was his phone that fell out of his pocket. A tattooed hand reached out and grabs it, turning it on. The screen reads 3:02 am and there are countless notifications, most are from Jack and Ryan asking him if he needs anything and letting him know there’s a plate of leftovers from dinner. 

He turns his phone back off and stands up from his bed. All he wants is to change out his wrinkled clothes, get into his comfy pajamas and go back to sleep, but his brain tells him to go drink some more since the bottle he has in his room is empty. 

Geoff trips over his own two feet, mumbling incoherent words to himself that one could only assume are curse words. The penthouse is eerily quiet. Everyone is sleeping, which is the perfect time to dig through the kitchen cabinets in search for any sort of alcohol. He knows it’s wrong. He knows he shouldn’t be doing this. He knows it’s ruining his relationships and more importantly, himself. 

He thinks back to earlier in the day in the meeting room. How everyone looked either scared or worried for him. He hated seeing the people he loved looking at him like that. _‘Wait, love? No, I don’t love any of them. They don’t love me, hell, they probably don’t even like me anymore. I’m just the drunken piece of shit that yells all the time.’ ___

__Another late night means more intrusive thoughts and impulsive actions. He continues his search for a drink. Trying his best to sneak down the hallway to get to the kitchen is easy. Nothing is stopping him from getting to where he wants to be, which is both a blessing and a curse._ _

__He makes his way to the fridge and pulls out a beer. They had a magnetic bottle opener on the fridge, which was awfully convenient for moments like this. The lid comes off with a quiet pop and Geoff takes a few sips, already feeling like shit and hating himself even more._ _

__The lights are all off in the kitchen, yet Geoff doesn’t turn any of them on. He knows his way around the penthouse. Or so he thought. There was a loud crashing sound as he bumped into the island and knocked over some cups. Glass shards were scattered everywhere and now he was trapped in a pile of broken glass. One glance down at the floor made him realize he’s not wearing his slippers and that there are tiny pieces of glass in his feet._ _

__Geoff isn’t afraid of having glass in his feet, it’s happened before, but he’s more so afraid of having an injury he might not be able to take care of on his own because of his current state of mind. He remembers his phone that’s sitting in his pocket and pulls it out. He texts Jack and asks if she could quietly come out to the kitchen with a broom and first aid kit._ _

__After he sends the text, the tipsy man pushes the bottle of beer away from himself. He doesn’t want anyone to know he’s gotten to this point. He doesn’t want to show any weakness. But he can’t bring himself to fully get rid of the partially drank beer. He pushes it far enough away that it won’t get knocked over or seen right away, but he knows Jack. He knows she’ll see it, and he hopes she realizes it’s his own personal cry for help._ _

__A few minutes later, Geoff hears a door handle click open and sees a hall light come on. He releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding and tries to move toward the hallway to get away from the opened alcoholic beverage that sits on the counter, but he’s in pain. The hall light gets shut off and Geoff worries that maybe it wasn’t Jack who was up, but just someone else using the bathroom._ _

__His worries vanish as soon as he sees a messy-haired Jack in fuzzy blue slippers and a matching robe appear at the kitchen entrance. She flips on the lights and dims them so they’re not too bright on their eyes. In her hands are both the broom and first aid kit Geoff texted her to bring out to him. He gives her a half smile and a small wave while trying to hide his shame and pain on his face. Jack looks at him and tries to figure out what’s wrong._ _

__The first thing she notices is that he’s still in his clothes from the meeting, which made her upset, seeing that he hasn’t even cared enough to change. She gives Geoff a look over and stops at his feet and now she realizes why he had texted her. His feet were covered in glass and blood and he seemed to be terrified about what to do. At first, this confused her. He’s taken care of countless small injuries like this of his own in the past, so what makes this one so different._ _

__Her confusion vanished when she spotted the beer bottle on the counter. Jack probably knew he didn’t want to verbally say anything about the beer, but she made a mental note to bring it up after this situation was over._ _

__“Jack, I...” Geoff trailed off and never finished his sentence. His voice was barely above a whisper, and he sounded like he was going to cry. This broke Jack, seeing the person who saved her from herself years ago being so vulnerable and damaged._ _

__“Shh, it’s okay Geoff. I’m going to bring over one of the chairs from the island and have you sit in it while I get rid of this glass. Then I’ll help you with your feet, okay?”_ _

__Geoff silently nodded, afraid of trying to speak. He didn’t want to crack, he was known for showing no weakness. Jack left him to go grab a stool from the other side of the island and brought it over to him, where she helped him sit down. She swept up all the broken glass and threw it in the garbage._ _

__Jack was getting ready to start taking the bits of glass out of Geoff’s feet when she heard a sniffle. Part of her wanted to get the shards out before they could cause any more pain, and the other part of her wanted to look up and see if Geoff was okay. She decided that taking care of his cuts would be the better option, she could always comfort him afterward._ _

__Inside the first aid kit was some tweezers and gauze, as well as some bandages, medicine, and other smaller medical supplies. The redhead starts to pull out the smaller pieces, knowing they’ll hurt less. Once the smaller pieces were all out, she paused and looked up to see how her beloved Geoffrey was doing. He seemed to be okay, but she knew there was a storm going on in his head and she hoped that once this mess was cleaned up she could be his calm after the storm._ _

__Jack has done this exact task a few times before. Pulling glass out of various body parts wasn’t entirely that difficult. So why were her hands starting to shake? Why was she getting nervous?_ _

__She took a deep breath and pulled out the two larger pieces that were in Geoff’s left foot. He left out a muffled cry and she wasn’t sure if it was due to the pain of the glass being removed or because of the pain of his thoughts and emotions. All of the shards were finally removed and Jack began cleaning up the cuts and putting bandages on them. After he was all wrapped up, she quickly ran down to his room and grabbed him his slippers and pajamas._ _

__“Geoff, I want to talk to you, but only if you feel okay enough to talk. If you don’t then that’s okay, but at least let me help you get into your pajamas. Please?” Jack’s voice was gentle and soothing to Geoff. He agreed to talk and finally got changed._ _

__The two of them made their way to the living room. Jack was going to sit on the chair and have Geoff sit in the loveseat by himself to give him some space, but he patted the seat next to him after he sat down. She was reluctant to join him but she figured he needed someone to physically comfort him as well as emotionally so she complied with his request. He put an arm around her shoulder like he normally does when he sits with anyone in the crew, but this time was different. Geoff was rubbing small circles on her arm with his thumb and he had placed his other hand near Jack’s that was resting on the loveseat._ _

__“You don’t have to explain anything or talk about anything if it’s too hard to bring up Geoff, but I just want you to know I am here. I’ve been here for you since the day we met, and I’ll always continue to be here for you, and the others, until the day we stop seeing each other.” Jack quickly regretted her last sentence, in fear of giving away her feelings for her friends._ _

__Geoff turned his head to look at her, trying to find the right words and grasping at nothing. He wanted this moment to happen for a while, he’s wanted someone to confront him about his alcoholism, he wants help, but he’s terrified. He doesn’t want anyone to think anything different about him. Finally, he took a shaky breath and spoke up._ _

__“Jack, it’s extremely hard for me to say anything about this, about what’s going on and has been going on. I feel like I’m weak, but I need to admit it before things get worse,” He paused and took another deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. “I have an alcohol addiction. It’s becoming a big problem and I’m sure you all saw that earlier in the meeting. I’m... I’m so sorry I’m like this. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m constantly drowning in my thoughts and when I drink it makes them go away for a little bit, but then everything just gets even worse with the hangovers and accidents I cause when I’m intoxicated. I’m sorry Jack.”_ _

__Silent tears were falling down Geoff’s cheeks, his hands were shaking so bad he could barely wipe them away. He looked away from Jack, he didn’t want to see her reaction. A soft hand reached up and turned his head. Geoff closed his eyes and felt ashamed for being like this. Jack wiped his tears away and leaned over to give him a kiss on the cheek, something she’s never done to anyone in the crew for her fear of showing too much affection._ _

__“Geoff, I’m proud of you for realizing you have an addiction and that you need help. I can understand where you’re coming from with feeling nervous and scared. I can help you through this, but I feel like this is something the others should know. Coming out and saying something personal to you is the most terrifying thing in the world, and I would know. You helped me come out to the crew, I promise you I can help you bring this up to the others. We all adore you Geoff and want nothing but the best for you and we will do anything we can to make that happen.”_ _

__Jack’s words made Geoff cry even more. He hadn’t cried in a long time, the alcohol numbed his emotions and everything was built up. This kindness from his best friend had broken the walls he had put up. He wanted to say more, but he couldn’t stop crying. Jack sat there and held him for as long as he needed. Eventually, the tears stopped and he could form a sentence or two again without breaking down._ _

__“I definitely know I won’t be able to do this alone, and if you’re willing to help me, Jack, then I would appreciate it. You mean a lot to me, I hope you know that.” He leaned over and gave her a kiss on the forehead. The two of them sat there for another hour or two, holding one another and sitting in a more comfortable silence than the one that was left in the meeting earlier that day._ _


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack came out to the crew over a year ago and she’s happy where she is, but she wants to start HRT and doesn’t know how to bring it up. She got help from Geoff before and now she’s helping him admit something personal, so she feels like this is something she needs to do on her own.

_July 24, 2017_

_The penthouse is empty, Jack made sure no one else would be there. She walked into the house wearing her usual outfit, skinny jeans, a green t-shirt, and white sneakers. In her hands were bags of clothing she went out and bought on her day off today. Her plan was to go to her room, change into these new clothes, do some finishing touches and wait for the others to come back home so she could reveal her new self. She was ready._

_What she wasn’t ready for was being greeted by Mr. Geoff Ramsey sitting on the couch reading a book. The bags were all okay to be carrying, except for a Victoria’s Secret bag. Jack thought she had enough time to hide inside one of the bigger bags before Geoff came over and said hello but she didn’t._

_“Hey, Jack! How are things, dude? See you went shopping. Nice Victoria’s Secret bag, you get yourself a girlfriend and didn’t tell me? I thought we were bros!” Geoff was in a good mood and was joking around with Jack, but after he spoke, something felt wrong. Jack didn’t say anything in response and shuffled on her feet awkwardly._

_Geoff spoke up again. “Wait, is everything okay Jack? You look uncomfortable. Did I say something wrong?”_

_Jack nodded and walked to her room and put the bags down on her bed. She hoped Geoff wouldn’t follow her but he did. No one had been in Jack’s room for a week or two, she wouldn’t let anyone in, said she was working on a special project and didn’t want anyone to see. The project was redoing her room._

_The walls before were a pale grey and the bedspread was a forest green. All the accessories in the room had matched one another in either various shades of grey or dark greens. However, now her walls were turquoise and the bedspread is cream with a floral pattern. The dresser, desk, and other decor were all done in a mahogany wood finish. There were a few plants in the corner and a new wardrobe hanging in the closet._

_Geoff stared at everything in awe. He couldn’t believe Jack did all this alone. It was impressive work, but he was still curious about what was upsetting his friend._

_“Jack, I’m sorry if I hurt you by saying something wrong. Do you want to talk about it? I’m here for you, you know.” He sat down at her desk and started fidgeting with a pen._

_“You didn’t necessarily hurt me, you didn’t know better,” Jack replied after a few minutes of silence._

_“What do you mean I didn’t know better? What's going on?” Geoff asked confusedly._

_The redhead took a breath and tried to calm herself. She trusts Geoff with everything, yet, coming out to the people you love most is a terrifying experience. No one wants to face rejection or discrimination for who they are, but sometimes it’s a risk you have to take in order to live out a happy life._

_“Geoff, I’m not exactly the person you think I am. Sure, I’m still the same personality wise, but not gender-wise. I’m...transgender. You can still call me Jack, I don’t plan on changing my name, but I am changing my pronouns. Please use more feminine pronouns and terms for me, it makes me uncomfortable being referred to as male. I’ve felt like this for years but didn’t know how to make the transition without losing anyone in my life. Even just standing here talking to you about this is making me terrified.”_

_She had moved over to her bed and sat down on the edge of it, afraid to make eye contact. The room was quiet for a few seconds while they both processed what had just happened. Geoff slowly stood up and made his way over to where Jack was sitting. He hesitantly put an arm around her shoulders and started to respond._

_“Jack, I can understand why you’re terrified about this, not from a personal level, but because I know this is huge for you. I’m proud of you for finally trusting me enough to come out. You’re a beautiful woman, Jack, and I’m incredibly happy that you can finally start to feel happier in your own skin.”_

_There was a sniffle from underneath his arm and Jack finally turned to look at Geoff. She was crying, but there was a ghost of a smile dancing on her lips. He could tell she was nervous, but he could also see how much she was now glowing. Geoff continued talking._

_“I’m not sure how you feel about what I’m about to say but, I feel like this should be brought to the attention of the others. Especially with what I can assume you bought is in those bags is more feminine clothing. You know everyone in this crew is accepting of others, and if not then I’ll personally kick their asses. You’re so strong Jack, and I’ll be here to help you if you need me.”_

_This caused Jack to cry even more, but these were happy tears. She couldn’t resist giving the older man a hug, not worrying about getting his shirt wet. He accepted her hug and the two sat there for a few minutes until Jack stopped crying._

_After their embrace, Jack showed Geoff the new clothes she bought for herself. They were more skinny jeans, some plain and some ripped ones, there were also a surprising amount of floral shirts. Geoff had insisted that she didn’t have to show him what was in the Victoria’s Secret bag but she trusted him. Plus, she needed someone’s opinion on if they matched her hair. Jack pulled out a few pairs of lacey, light blue bras and Geoff had to stop himself from blushing._

_He knew he had feelings for Jack, but never acted upon them, and this was definitely not helping his crush. Jack quickly noticed how bashful Geoff seemed and put the bras away into a dresser drawer. She had told him that her plan was to stay in her room and get changed into some of her new clothes and wait for the others to get back so she can tell them._

_Geoff had promised to be by her side the entire time, and he was. Geoff had gathered everyone in the living room for a personal meeting and a few had asked where Jack was, and before he could answer, she came walking down the hallway. She was wearing a pair of white and light blue striped shorts, a floral button up and she had on very subtle makeup. Everyone stopped talking and looked at their friend in awe._

_“Jack, you look beautiful! Where did you get your makeup from?” Lindsay was the first to speak up, and she didn’t question the transition, only where Jack had bought her makeup from. The others had showered Jack with other compliments and comments but nothing bad and no one asked why she was dressed differently. Yet, she still knew she needed to properly come out._

_“So, I trust you all with my life, and you all know this, but there’s one thing I haven’t trusted any of you with yet. That being said, I just want to come out and tell you all that I’m transgender. You can still call me Jack, but if you could please just use feminine pronouns and terms that would be great. And, uh, yeah, that’s all.”_

_Jack was stood next to Geoff who reached over and gave her another comforting hug which quickly led to everyone getting up and hugging Jack. She started to tear up at the fact that she’s finally found a family full of people she can be completely open with and trust with even her deepest secrets._

* * *

* * *

__December 18, 2018_ _

__It’s a Tuesday and everyone slept in past their 9 am alarms. Normally if it was just one person who overslept it would be an issue and the day would be wasted, but since everyone overslept, the crew made the most of it and used it as a break day. God knows they all needed one._ _

__Geoff woke up feeling much better than when he awoke in the middle of the night. He reaches over to click on the light on his nightstand but all he felt was a pair of glasses. Confusion sprung upon him, he doesn’t have glasses. He quickly sits up and realizes he’s not even in his bedroom. The walls are turquoise, not slate grey like the ones in his room._ _

__Someone rolls over next to him and he feels a gentle hand on his arm. He looks down and sees light blue nails and knows that he’s in Jack’s room. In her bed. Sleeping in the same bed wasn’t unusual for this crew. They’ve done it countless times before on various heists when they’ve had to stay in a safe house for long periods of time. This time feels different._ _

__“Morning sunshine, did you sleep well?” Jack asked sarcastically in a raspy voice, her eyes still closed from slumber._ _

__“Yeah, it was one of the best nights of sleep I’ve had in a while, but, why am I in your room?”_ _

__Jack yawned and reached over the top of Geoff to grab her glasses. “You fell asleep on my shoulder while we were sitting in the living room last night, so I carried you back to my room so you could sleep since it’s closer than your room. I hope you don’t mind I did that, I just didn’t want you to hurt your back sleeping on the loveseat.”_ _

__Geoff was touched by her caring gesture, and it tugged on his heartstrings. It took everything in him to resist leaning over and kissing her. She was too sweet for words and meant a lot to him. The two eventually made their way off the bed and Geoff helped Jack fix the sheets so it looked presentable._ _

__The two of them walked down the hall to the kitchen, where they smell pancakes being cooked and hear the lovable Gavin squeaking at something probably only funny to him. No one ever questions why the two of them walked out of Jack’s room together, which caused Geoff to relax a little bit. Jack, however, is silently dealing with her own anxiety. She made a decision after she put Geoff down to sleep that she officially wants to start taking Estrogen._ _

__Ryan walks over to the kitchen table and sets down more pancakes for everyone to eat and sits down himself. The crew carries on various conversations between one another. Alfredo and Trevor talk about possibly playing some video game with Matt and Jeremy later. Gavin and Jeremy talk about wanting to get a cat and are sitting a little closer to each other than usual. Michael and Lindsay talk about their best pranks they’ve pulled on the other members. Jack and Geoff sit back and take in the voices of the others, just enjoying their company._ _

__The only person not talking is Ryan, who is shoving his food around on his plate and looking blankly at the wall behind Michael’s head. He hadn’t slept the night before and was exhausted. All he wanted to do right now was to go back to his room and hide for the rest of the day, but he knew he couldn’t. It would seem suspicious and he doesn’t want anyone to worry, that all have more important things to focus on._ _

__Michael glances across the table and notices Ryan hasn’t eaten any of the breakfast he made and frowns but doesn’t mention it. He makes a note of it and will text Ry about it later. Just as he was getting ready to stand up and offer to take everyone’s empty plates out, Jack gets everyone’s attention._ _

__“Guys, I know this probably isn’t the best time or place to do this, but it can’t wait anymore. Geoff has something he needs to tell you all.” Everyone looks over to Geoff, silently waiting for whatever news was going to get told._ _

__“I don’t really have a way to preface this so I guess I’ll just say it. So here I go. Guys, I,” He pauses to collect himself. “I have an alcohol addiction. I’ve been trying to deal with it on my own for the past month or so, but, as you all saw yesterday, I’m not doing that great of a job on my own. I don’t like showing weakness, but, after some thought, I realized it’s okay to have weak moments. It just means we’re human. What I’m trying to say here is that I’m an alcoholic and I’m going to need all of you to help me in recovering. I hope you all can understand and be patient with me.”_ _

__Geoff slumps back in his chair, looking around at his crew, his family, and sees them all looking back with looks of acceptance and understanding. He sighs a breath of relief and a tear falls down his face. Everyone gets up and hugs him, one by one. They’re all glad that he can admit he has a problem and they’re happy that he trusts them all enough to allow them to help him on the road to being sober._ _

__Right before everyone started cleaning up and heading out of the dining room to do whatever they had planned of their day off, Jack had another announcement to make. She stood up in front of everyone and pulled a folded piece of paper out of her pocket._ _

__“I know this definitely isn’t a super big deal, but I still wanted to let you all know that I have set up an appointment with a gender therapist for the new year. After a few meetings with them, they will determine if I’m able to start Hormone Replacement Therapy. What that means, is that I’ll hopefully be starting to take Estrogen next year and help further my transition into who I want to be. Also, I’m sorry if I seem nervous about telling you all this.”_ _

__Jack awkwardly shuffles on her feet and holds her hands together in front of herself. She got a sense of deja vu from when she came out to the crew last year. Just like before, she got an overwhelming sense of support and love from her family. There was a lighter, happier feeling in the room, much better than the tension from yesterday._ _

__Michael and Trevor clean up the dining room and make sure everything is put away before everyone heads off to do what they planned for the day. Geoff and Jack planned on spending the day cleaning out Geoff’s room, making sure anything alcohol related was taken out and put somewhere he wouldn’t be able to find._ _

__Michael watched Ryan head back to his room, but he didn’t shut his door all the way, almost as if he was asking for Michael to see him. He decided to pay the Vagabond a visit and try to ask him what was up._ _


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan’s been silently dealing with depression for years and usually he can handle his demons on his own, but lately, things have started getting pretty bad. A mistake of leaving his door open leads to him opening up about his thoughts.

_‘I need quiet, silence. I need to be alone. No one needs to see me like this. No one here needs me, they’re probably better off without me here. I need pain, I need to feel alive somehow.’ ___

__After breakfast was all said and done, the crew dispersed and went off to do whatever they pleased. Ryan made sure no one was looking and snuck off to his room before things got worse in his mind. Thoughts raced through Ryan’s head, causing a pounding headache. He didn’t want to act upon any of them. He wanted to go out in the living room and play games with the lads. Ryan wanted to be doing anything other than hiding out in his room. He felt pathetic, ashamed._ _

__The media portrays him, the Vagabond as vicious and borderline insane, and with how he’s been feeling lately, he doesn’t doubt that. Ryan paces back and forth in front of his bed before sitting on the floor. He knows what’s coming, he’s been through this routine before. Maybe the news reports are right. Maybe he is insane. He rocks back and forth as the violent thoughts tear him apart. His hands start to shake and his breath keeps catching. Silent tears run down his cheeks._ _

__He heard a creak which sounded like it came from his doorway. Ryan had thought that when he entered his room, he had shut his door all the way, but when he looked up from his position on the ground, he saw Michael looking at him with a worried expression on his face._ _

__“Ryan? Are you okay?” Michael’s voice was much quieter than it usually is, and he sounded scared. He walked into the room more and shut the door behind him. The room was fairly dark but the two men could still see one another. The lad stands next to the closed door and waits for a response before moving again._ _

__“I... I don’t really know anymore, Michael.” Ryan wasn’t himself anymore. Hell, he doesn’t even know what his normal self is like anymore. He’s been stuck in this awful place in his mind for years. Thoughts of suicide and self-harm, as well as thoughts of harming others with no reason. Sleepless nights due to his pre-existing insomnia has now started to be accompanied by panic attacks caused by overthinking every little thing he’s done in life._ _

__Michael steps closer and sits across from Ryan on the floor. The two sit there for a couple of minutes in silence. Ryan’s mind calms down a little and he slowly relaxes his muscles that he wasn’t even aware were tensed up. Michael sees the other man’s body relax and takes it as a sign that maybe he’s able to talk properly._ _

__“Ryan, what’s been going on? Not to sound like I’ve been observing you lately but, I’ve been noticing you eating less and less. The bags under your eyes are extremely dark, and it’s not hard to see that there’s something going on. You don’t have to explain anything if you don’t want to, but, don’t push me away. Don’t push us away. We care about you Rye.”_ _

__Ryan leans his head back against the foot of his bed and closes his eyes as the younger lad talks. His heart starts racing and his hands start shaking. Nerves run through his body once again. He hasn’t told anyone about his true thoughts, he doesn’t need people to worry. Ryan was perfectly fine secluded off in his own personal Hell. Yet, despite his brain and body fighting against him, he opens up, knowing that he can’t fight his demons alone for much longer._ _

__“My mind hates me. I hate myself, Michael. Every day I constantly deal with thoughts of self-depreciation and harm, either to myself or others. Most of the time I ignore them and I’ve never acted upon any harmful thoughts, but they’re always there. Taunting me. I’ve been like this for years and I could usually manage it just fine on my own, but lately, it’s getting worse. I’ve been losing more sleep than usual. I already deal with insomnia that no one knows about, and now I’ve been kept up by intrusive thoughts late at night. I guess, to put it in simple terms, I’m not okay.”_ _

__Ryan kept his head tilted back and stared up at his ceiling. The air felt thick with anticipation of Michael’s response. Ryan started to get worried that he scared him, and made Michael want to stop talking to him, which would be understandable. His thoughts were cut off by a hug._ _

__The curly haired lad was hugging the Vagabond and rubbing his back. Ryan hadn’t had a hug like this in a while, it felt foreign but surprisingly pleasant. He slowly wrapped his arms around Michael. He whispered a thank you but all he got in return was a confused response from the lad._ _

__“I said thank you. It’s been tough trying to get through this mess I’ve made, and even though I know a simple gesture like a hug won’t heal anything, it still means a lot to me.” Ryan leans even more into the hug, trying to get any sort of physical affection he can at this point._ _

__Michael and Ryan sit in the dim lit room and talk about things. Ry goes into detail about the kind of thoughts he’s dealt with and is still struggling with. Michael constantly has to tell Ryan to slow down with his words or to repeat himself. His ears start ringing again and it gets to a point where it drowns out the other man’s voice._ _

__“Now it’s my turn to ask you. Are you alright Michael? Why do you keep asking me to repeat myself?” The Vagabond slows down his speech and speaks as clear as he can._ _

__“What do you mean? I’m fine Rye.”_ _

__“No you’re not, you look like you’re in pain, Michael. What’s up? I’m not gonna yell at you, that’s Geoff’s job.” Ryan tries to joke around to ease the lad’s visible nerves about what’s wrong._ _

__“Well, there is one thing that might be causing this..” Michael thinks back to what’s happened the past few days, and suddenly everything makes sense._ _


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael’s hearing has been messed up due to not wearing proper ear protection after a day of fun with his boi. Usually, his hearing fixes itself by the next day, but it’s currently on day 3 and he’s still not back to normal. It’s potentially a serious issue but Michael doesn’t want to mention it in case it causes him to not be able to do his job anymore.

_December 15, 2018_

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_“Micoo! Where are you boi? Let’s go test out these new grenade launchers!” Gavin was yelling down the hall, looking for his beloved Michael. The two of them constantly got into various shenanigans together. Today’s idiotic adventure was to go out into the desert and launch grenades at random shit._

__

_Gavin finally reached Michael’s room and was getting ready to knock on the door when it opened unexpectedly, therefore causing the curly haired lad to get lightly tapped on the nose by Gavin’s hand. The Brit stepped back from his boi and started to giggle, he’s been finding a lot of simple things hilarious which was fine by the others, as long as he wasn’t laughing at something fucked up._

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_Michael pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to mentally prepare himself for Gav’s inevitable antics and jokes today. He grabs his brown leather jacket off the coat hanger on his door and walks into the hallway alongside Gavin. The two shared a look, something hidden behind their stares left unspoken and pushed aside for a later time._

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_The two lads made their way down to the garage where they bicker about whether they should take motorcycles or a car and whether they should take Gavin’s or Michael’s vehicle. They decided to have some fun and chose to ride out to the desert in their Nagasaki Shotaro bikes and race one another._

__

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_About 15 minutes weaving through traffic, the two made it to their location simultaneously. Gavin squawks in protest, saying he totally got their first and that Michael is just a sore loser, but the two of them drop it quickly once they remembered what they were out here for._

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_However, neither of them remembered giving the clumsy Brit the responsibility of carrying and transporting the crew’s new weapons. Regardless, the two quickly found some shit to destroy and started to have some fun together._

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_Michael was exploding a random trash can that was knocked over. Meanwhile, Gavin was just having a grand ol’ time just shooting grenades around randomly. They were full of joy and excitement, laughter filled the emptiness of the desert air. That was until a stray grenade went off._

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_“Michael! Watch out!” Luckily Michael was close enough to the other man to be able to hear his warning. They made sure to wear earplugs and other protective gear they would usually bring on a heist that deals with explosives, so the two wouldn’t be in too much pain if something went off near them, but the protection wasn’t a 100% guarantee._

__Gavin placed his grenade launcher down after putting the safety on and broke into a sprint to grab his boi and hopefully bring the two of them away from the explosion. Luckily, the two managed to get away before anything happened, but when they were knocked onto the ground, one of Michael’s earplugs fell out and he didn’t have time to fix it before the grenade exploded._ _

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_His ear was ringing but there was no physical harm, so he decided to just play it cool. He knew he would be fine by the next day. The British lad and himself were still laying on the ground, wrapped up in each other’s safe embrace. Gavin realized this and frantically tried to get up and act like that was meant to happen, but he couldn’t bring himself to move._

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_“Stay. Mikey needs to lay down for a few.” Michael’s breath was heavy and he held his boi closer to his body. They had fallen underneath a large angled piece of metal, so they were safe from anyone spotting them and the sun wouldn’t be in their faces. Gavin was surprised at the other man’s actions but it was a pleasant surprise. A few minutes passed and the duo was still laying together, now just talking about the times they had a few close calls on heists._

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_Eventually, the pair got back up and grabbed their weapons to put back in the carrying cases. Michael’s ear was still ringing but he knew it wouldn’t affect him, he’s driven under these conditions before. So, off they went back to the penthouse and neither of them spoke about the incident to any of the other members. ___

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December 18, 2018

“So, uh, long story short, Gavvy and I went to fuck around with the new grenade launchers and one kinda blew up too close to us and knocked out my earplug. The explosion caused my right ear to start ringing. It’s happened to me before and my hearing was fixed the next day, but it’s been 3 days and I’m still having trouble with it. I didn’t think it was a big deal but, well, maybe it is, I don’t know.” 

Michael retold the details of the eventful day Gavin and himself had a few days ago to Ryan, who was silent and taking in every word. The Vagabond could tell that Michael didn’t want anyone to worry about his ear ringing and quickly realized the two of them had more in common than he did previously.

Ryan noticed that both of them didn’t want others to worry about them. When they got hurt, either on heists or in their free time, no matter how serious the injury, they tend to keep to themselves and try to fix things on their own. The media portrays the Vagabond and Mogar as vicious and more likely to has violent outbursts, which was true to some extent. They were like that on missions when they needed to be professional and put on a facade. 

At home though? Michael was constantly cleaning the place and complaining about how no one knows how to fucking pick up their mess. Ryan fumbles over words like it’s nothing and is one of the cuddliest people in the crew. They were good people, and deep down they both knew that all they wanted was to be loved and cared for, but it terrified them. The older man knew what he needed to do, but didn’t know the right time or place to do it. For now, he needed to focus on Michael.

“I’m going to suggest an idea that you might not like, but, I think we should take you to the doctors if this ringing keeps happening. It’s not good Michael.” 

The lad sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He knew Ryan was going to say that, it wasn’t a surprise. “I know I should go to the doctors, but, what about the heist? What if this puts me out of commission? What if the doctor tells me I can’t work with explosives ever again? What if this lasts forever? I’m...scared Rye.” 

He put his head down in his hands, a silent tear slides down his face. Ryan was taken aback by how hurt his boyfriend seemed. ‘Boyfriend? No, he’s just a friend. He couldn’t possibly like me, he likes Gavin anyways. Or, at least I think he does.’ 

Ryan put a hand on Michael’s shoulder as he shook his thoughts away. “Look, I can go with you if you want. I won’t say a word to the others, I promise you, Michael. The Vagabond never breaks his promises.” 

After a second of silence, Michael nods his head and agrees to go see a doctor with Ryan. They slip out of the penthouse together and head off in Ryan’s car. Matt and Alfredo were in the game room, but they heard the main entrance door open and shut. They notice the pair leaving and share a look with one another. No one else seems to pay attention to this, so they keep to themselves and go back to their game of prop hunt. Jeremy was being a sneaky little bitch and Gavin and Trevor were trying not to laugh at their frustration.

“Gavin, where are you? Are you dead?” Alfredo was looking around the map for the British man while also trying to find Jeremy. 

“Fredo, I’ve been dead since the round started! Matt found me stuck in a wall and blew me up!” Gavin was losing his shit and started laughing so hard he was squealing, causing his mic to peak. 

“Gavin shut up! You’re making your mic fuck up and it’s hurting my precious ears.” Matt was yelling at Gav, but he was also laughing. The crew always liked to joke around whenever someone made their microphone fuck up but this time felt different to Gavin. 

“Aw Matt, come on. Be nice to Gav, he’s just having a good time.” Jeremy was defending his teammate who was sat next to him and saw a look of discomfort on the man’s face. The round quickly ended and the small gaming crew decided to take a break for a bit. Trevor and Alfredo went out to the kitchen to grab a snack and upon figuring out what they were doing, Matt tagged along with them. 

Jeremy kept looking over at Gavin, who was just sitting in his chair staring at the floor and mindlessly drinking a bottle of water. He was fidgeting with the cap and looked anxious. Jeremy slid his chair over and got the man’s attention. 

“Gav, you alright?” 

“Jeremy, do you hate me?” Gavin made no eye contact and his voice was barely above a whisper. 

Jeremy was taken aback by the question. Did he do something wrong to make Gavin think that? He could never hate anyone in the crew, he loved them. 

“Gavin, I don’t hate you. No one in the crew does. Why do you think that? Is there something bothering you? We can talk about it, if you want to I mean, I don’t want to force you, Gav.” 

There was a moment of hesitation until the Brit spoke again. “Can we go to my room and talk? I’d feel better talking there.” 

“Of course we can, you go on ahead and I tell the guys we’re done playing for a while, okay?” 

The two left the room, Gavin taking a left to go to his room and Jeremy took a right to stop in the kitchen for a few seconds to tell Trevor, Matt, and Alfredo what was up. They were all understanding and off Jeremy went to hopefully get an answer and to what was up with Gavin.


End file.
